That'S What it iS!

So I’m lying in bed suffering from gastro-intestinal flu, (yes, you read right, I honestly hadn't even heard the word before today) and I decided I’d do something that I haven’t done in a while; pen down my thoughts.

It has been quite a while since I did that actually, not quite sure why…

Something tells me that I've been scared to write down my thoughts simply because they have been such a jumble of late. Don’t think for a second that when I say they have been a jumble, that it’s a bad thing, well not entirely bad. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have been trying to find my feet really.

It’s my fourth year at college - mind you, I decided to stay on and specialise in my field of interest because it’s what I’m passionate about, I’m not still at college because I’m failing or repeating a module - and I’m starting to wonder what the future has in store for me.

It feels like just yesterday that I wrote my Realism 101 blog post about how I’d expect a working day to end with me coming back from work, kicking off my heels, taking a long bubble bath and curling up on the couch with a good book. To be quite frank, none of my days has ended like that since I started working as the English lecturer at my institute.

This is what my end-of-day REALLY looks like:

And there you have it, my typical work day. I won’t deny, it’s quite far from what I’d envisioned it to be. But for some reason I’m quite happy with the way it’s playing out.

People are always going on about how they want to drive a Merc and live in a lavish flat in Sandton. I know a part of me also wants to live that lifestyle and in due time, I know it will come, but for now, I’m enjoying the climb. I am comfortable where I am, and for me, I don’t know about you, that is what matters most. COMFORT.

I don’t want to get too comfortable though. My ultimate goal is to see myself growing with every year that comes. Which is why I embrace the indecision I feel sometimes. Who said finding ones feet would be easy?

I just take every day as it comes, that’s what it is. Life may knock me around but, to quote my buddy and motivational speaker, Vuki Dlamini, "I dare a spectator to watch me fail 49 times but stick around to witness what happens on try number 50". ;)

How often have you seen a black chick with an entourage of white people? Take a second and just think about it. Once? Twice? Or many times? We are living in a “new South Africa” after all, something like that should be a norm, right?

I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I was a festival virgin up until a few weekends ago when I attended the Mapungubwe Jazz Festival. And I can safely say that it was pure joy!

It got off to a slow start but towards the end of the night, it had built up to quite a crescendo! Sadly, I could not stay until the end of the night so I missed out on a few big acts, but I did manage to see Toya De Lazy and snap a few shots with her right before she went up on stage. It was that encounter with Toya that actually got me to write this.

I was backstage with my girls, waiting to catch a glimpse and possibly grab a photo op with any celebrity. In fact, we were actually scouting specifically for The Soil, Mi Casa and Mafikizolo and to our dismay, we realized that The Soil left just before we got backstage and the other two were scheduled to perform at the same time that we were going to be catching our bus back to Pretoria. So we decided to just hang around backstage and see what goes on behind the scenes.

And that’s when I saw the unexpected: three white girls and a coloured guy come through the security gate closely followed by a black chick – Toya De Lazy. I mean there we were, in the heart of Polokwane, at a festival that has a lot of acts performing in the native Venda and Tsonga languages, to a crowd that I roughly estimate to comprise of 99.9% people of colour (black), and she chooses to come through with a white backup…

I’m not trying to be weird or borderline racist for that matter. It just made me wonder… Why?

My girl and I discussed it even while we were there. And we actually came to a very valid reason, I’m not saying that is the reason why Toya has a white staff, but then I guess I would call it the reason why any of us hang out with the people we do, whether black or white.

We seek friendship from people who are equal to us, either in rank, lifestyle, ambition or any other aspect, depending on the objective we aim to realize in our lives at that instant. Our partnerships come from how well we “gel” with one another. We all surround ourselves with people based on how we benefit from each other. No one wants to be closely attached to someone whose mind-set doesn't match theirs. Quite simply put, each and every one of us is looking for someone whose demons play well with ours.

Think about the companionship's you've made so far in your lifetime.

We all grow and develop at a certain rate, and the relationships we build are established by that progress. Certain ties may have to be severed altogether, but a majority of us adjust our attachments until we are comfortable with the direction they will lead us in life, that’s what it is.

When I look back to the friends I've had come through my life, I realize that they all played a role at a point in my life. Some I may have drifted apart from because of circumstances out of my control, others I may have completely cut off, but whatever the case, I do not regret those ties. It is all a part of growing up.

Going back to Toya De Lazy; whether she had come with a white support team or not, her performance was ON POINT and that’s all that really mattered!  

Sitting here, cool sea breeze wafting through the window. The sound of the waves crashing in the distance. Lulling me into stillness. Not a literal stillness, more of stillness in mind. A state of deep and quiet calm leading me to reflect back on this year.

This year has been somewhat a year of great enlightenment. And no, before I go any further, this is not going to be a post about the Illuminati or some other conspiracy on enlightenment. This is going to be a post about my personal journey through the year 2013 and how it has led me to a greater knowledge and understanding of so many things in life.

Firstly, I think the greatest thing that sparked this clarification was realizing that this year, for the first time in my life, I was completely without my older sister. The one person who has always understood me, been my friend and foe, through thick and thin and my partner in crime in almost every situation I've ever been in, was not within my reach this year. She had spread her wings to bigger better pastures and it was time for me to do the same. Well more like I had to learn to grow into my own skin and not be so dependent on her anymore. Something I will admit I struggled with at first.

That moment opened my eyes to so many people around me that I wouldn't have met or appreciated under normal circumstances. People that encouraged and motivated me to follow my dream and backed me every step of the way. Some I took the liberty of writing about, to share their inspiration with others. While others I chose to cherish and treasure in my own little special way.

I have been stuck on Beyoncé’s album since I downloaded it at the beginning of this week. Not just because it sounds so good, but because it raised quite a few questioning eyebrows among feminist circles because of the controversial referral to Ike Turner's episode with Tina Turner on her birthday on the song Drunk In Love.

If I do claim it, I think firstly I might be classified as a sad girl who has failed one too many times in a relationship and is seeking solace of some sort within the comfort of the “sadistic” feminist community, and I really don’t want to be labelled as such. No girl in their early 20s does! So what do I claim then because I’m not really the best female material?

So that’s me at a bird’s eye view;  floating on my own cloud, pursuing to form and guard some sort of a young empowered female crusade, fighting the cycle of men being in positions of privilege and rebelling against stereotypical female duties. I guess I am the F-word. But before we go too far with that, I have to outline that I have one crucial anti-feminine practice: I have a very Biblical view of womanhood and of marriage.

 I believe men should be respected as the heads of the family and I don’t like the idea of male emasculation one bit. I know this point might seem a bit contradictory to my earlier points but respecting a man who respects me would only be reasonable.

 I don’t want to have more power, I want to have an equal say in matters that concern either one of us.

I don’t want to have him by the balls; I want to be like a rib by his side.

I don’t want to be made to feel inferior, I want to play my role as his helper, and if that includes stroking his ego when he’s low and slaving away in front of a stove, then so be it.

You see, I won’t claim the feminist label because it’s clear that I am not set in the feminist way of thinking, but I will claim that I want girls to realize their potential and not through the approval of men. And if you want to label me as a feminist because of that, then I will gladly accept it.



Let’s face it, my form of “feminism” is somewhat similar to that of Beyoncé’s, it’s unconventional and flawed. So what? We’re all imperfect humans just being, and how we choose to be is really up to us, it shouldn’t be up to the musings and observations of a sometimes overtly feminist society, that’s what it is.

In fact, I think it’s time that we started redefining the modern day feminist. Turn her into a clean-shaven, push-up bra wearing, man-lover, or whatever the case may be, because in all honesty I believe that each and every woman should be a feminist, but a feminist on their own terms. We should not be bound by unchanging academic theories; instead we should take a stance and interpret feminism according to our own individuality. At the end of the day, whether I’m spending my days empowering young girls and my nights dancing along to Beyoncé’s Drunk in Love in my flat, that’s my choice. I have my heart in the right place and I’m making a difference, and that’s what really matters, NOT being the ultimate feminist.

Lying on this couch, watching the waves and playing Beyoncé’s new self-titled album and I can’t help but feel so empowered and uplifted by it. Guess that's why I decided to make this post also self-titled, since this whole blog is ME.

I just want to promote unity amongst us young ladies. Maybe then we can stop being a minority, because we are stronger as one.

Ask anyone who knows me on a personal level, I am a quite a bit of a feminist. I believe in empowering women into positions of authority, and not just based on what they look like, but for what they have in between their ears, their brains. Hence, why my girls and I started our all-female SWAGG (Something We Ambitious Girls Got) movement, so we could reach out and inspire girls of all cultures and creeds. We want to encourage young ladies to be comfortable in their own skins and be true to who they are. Who wants to be labelled by society? Definitely not me!

I still aspire towards that day when I can see a lot of young girls aspiring towards their own personal happiness and ambitions than to be the next Riri or Beyoncé. Fvck rocking nerd glasses and calling yourself a nerd girl, open that book and actually BE a nerd girl!

Personally, I’m not a Beyoncé fan but this visual album portrays the image that I want every girl to have of themselves. Determined, confident and oozing sexiness without even trying, because quite frankly, self-assurance in itself is SEXY, that’s what it is!

So this is a note to all you young ladies out there, as cliché as it may be, I’m still going to say it anyway: BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE!