How often have you seen a black chick with an entourage of white people? Take a second and just think about it. Once? Twice? Or many times? We are living in a “new South Africa” after all, something like that should be a norm, right?

I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I was a festival virgin up until a few weekends ago when I attended the Mapungubwe Jazz Festival. And I can safely say that it was pure joy!

It got off to a slow start but towards the end of the night, it had built up to quite a crescendo! Sadly, I could not stay until the end of the night so I missed out on a few big acts, but I did manage to see Toya De Lazy and snap a few shots with her right before she went up on stage. It was that encounter with Toya that actually got me to write this.

I was backstage with my girls, waiting to catch a glimpse and possibly grab a photo op with any celebrity. In fact, we were actually scouting specifically for The Soil, Mi Casa and Mafikizolo and to our dismay, we realized that The Soil left just before we got backstage and the other two were scheduled to perform at the same time that we were going to be catching our bus back to Pretoria. So we decided to just hang around backstage and see what goes on behind the scenes.

And that’s when I saw the unexpected: three white girls and a coloured guy come through the security gate closely followed by a black chick – Toya De Lazy. I mean there we were, in the heart of Polokwane, at a festival that has a lot of acts performing in the native Venda and Tsonga languages, to a crowd that I roughly estimate to comprise of 99.9% people of colour (black), and she chooses to come through with a white backup…

I’m not trying to be weird or borderline racist for that matter. It just made me wonder… Why?

My girl and I discussed it even while we were there. And we actually came to a very valid reason, I’m not saying that is the reason why Toya has a white staff, but then I guess I would call it the reason why any of us hang out with the people we do, whether black or white.

We seek friendship from people who are equal to us, either in rank, lifestyle, ambition or any other aspect, depending on the objective we aim to realize in our lives at that instant. Our partnerships come from how well we “gel” with one another. We all surround ourselves with people based on how we benefit from each other. No one wants to be closely attached to someone whose mind-set doesn't match theirs. Quite simply put, each and every one of us is looking for someone whose demons play well with ours.

Think about the companionship's you've made so far in your lifetime.

We all grow and develop at a certain rate, and the relationships we build are established by that progress. Certain ties may have to be severed altogether, but a majority of us adjust our attachments until we are comfortable with the direction they will lead us in life, that’s what it is.

When I look back to the friends I've had come through my life, I realize that they all played a role at a point in my life. Some I may have drifted apart from because of circumstances out of my control, others I may have completely cut off, but whatever the case, I do not regret those ties. It is all a part of growing up.

Going back to Toya De Lazy; whether she had come with a white support team or not, her performance was ON POINT and that’s all that really mattered!